Christmas makes me crabby.
I feel bullied into making the December holidays happy for everyone I encounter. I get resentful. I get depressed and furious with myself because I am not living up to an ideal I don't even believe in. I hate that. So this year, I sat down before I became overwhelmed and I made two lists to live by for the next couple of weeks.
What I Want to Do
- I want to light up the house starting on the solstice and ending on the last day of the new year holiday.
- I want to host at least one gathering of friends.
- I want to attend at least one gathering I am not hosting.
- I want to decorate with seasonal flowers and plants, like pine branches.
- I want the house to be clean, with a freshness and emptiness that comes of scrubbed walls and bleach.
- I want to sing carols.
- I want to create our new year cards.
- I want to eat cookies, lots of different kinds, but I don't want to bake them all myself.
- I want to continue to exercise my body daily. Hoop and yoga help me stay balanced.
- I want to have a sumptuous holiday meal at home with Tod.
- I want to create something to share with the world.
- I want to sum up my 2011.
- I want to set goals for 2012 and sketch out some plans.
What I Don't Want to Do
- I don't want to shop for and give presents.
This is an issue. Part of me says, "Presents are expected! It's Scroogish to not give a gift at Christmas." A second part says, "I love to give gifts but I despise doing it all slapdash on a deadline. I prefer to give presents year round on meaningful occasions and to bring tidings of comfort and joy from January to December."
I'm going to try to listen to that second part this year. I will avoid present-giving and try not feel guilty about it. The hardest part will be not reciprocating immediately. If you choose to give me a present for the holidays, I will be delighted, love you dearly, and reply in kind in 2012.
Good for you! I declared when my niece and nephews were born that I wouldn't be buying them presents at Christmas and I never have. It's much more fun for them (and me if I'm honest) giving them presents at random times of the year. I'm always there to see them open them, and they get a present at a time when they're not overwhelmed with loads of others. Win, win. :)
OK, self. Remember this for future years. These lists worked; I had no major meltdowns. I enjoyed the holidays as they came and I did the festive stuff on my own schedule. Much less pressure, lots more fun.