Merry Christmas! I wrote and directed this skit for my elementary school Christmas program in 1977. I was in the sixth grade. Ah, juvenalia!
“Too Tired” by Kristen Hill
Act 1
Time: night before Christmas
Opening: Santa is sitting near table. Mrs. Claus is cooking.
Santa: (yawning) A-h-h- I think I’ll take a nap.
Mrs. Claus: For goodness sake, you know you ought to be getting ready for your trip.
Santa: I’m not going.
Mrs. Claus: (gasping) And disappoint all the little children?
Santa: I’m just so, so fed up with all this going down 30 million chimneys and getting my beautiful red suit all dirty. Lugging that dumb sack is getting to my arthritis. Nowadays, nobody believes in me anyway. Those that do give me a rotten glass of warm milk and a couple of soggy cookies. Anyway, I’m too tired.
Mrs. Claus: No, a bicycle is two tired.
Santa: Very funnny.
Mrs. Claus: Please, go or the children will be very unhappy.
Santa: I’m very sorry, but it’s ruining my image. Every time you see a picture of me, I’m all sooty. I’m not really like that. I’ll show them. I’m not going.
Mrs. Claus: Please!
Santa: No! That’s final!
Mrs. Claus: Well, if you’re not going, at least go out and get some fresh air.
Santa: Oh, all right.
Act 2
Time: 15 minutes later
Opening: elves bustling around, putting gifts in sleigh, etc.
Elf 1: Santa? Aren’t you a little late? You should have been here three hours ago.
Santa: Yes, I know. I’m not going.
Elf 2: Hey everybody. Santa’s not going on his trip this year.
All: Hey, oh no (ad lib) !!!
Elf 3: Why aren’t you going, Santa?
Santa: Oh, I’m fed up with warm milk and all that other junk.
Elf 4: Santa, why dont’ you go talk to Rudolph?
Santa: Oh, no!
Elves: Please?
Santa: Oh, O.K. (walks over to Rudolph) O.K. kid, shoot.
Rudolph: Santa, do you remember what happened the year you were late?
Santa: Vaguely.
Rudolph: Big S, I know you remember. You just don’t want to. Anyway, I’ll help you. Now think back.
(Children come on stage in pajamas, being comforted by parents.)
Child 1: But, Mommy, we were good.
Mother: Yes, dear. You and your brothers were very good.
Child 2: Then why didn’t we get any toys?
Child 3: Do you think Santa forgot us?
Father: Now, now children. You know Santa is a good man. Maybe he’s just a little late.
Children: (sob) (Exit)
Rudolph: Remember now, Santa?
Santa: (looking sheepish): Yes, and I remember you cried so hard it burst the bulb in your nose.
Rudolph: Oh, don’t even talk about that. It hurts just thinking about it.
Santa: O.K. I won’t.
Rudolph: You still don’t remember the worst part.
Santa: What was the worst?
Rudolph: When they started to take down the Christmas trees and other decorations (take down some decorations in auditorium) They started to forget about Christmas.
(Santa faints. Elves try to revive him)
Santa : That was awful.
Rudolph: Do you want that to happen again?
Santa: No! No!
Elf 5: Does that mean you’re going?
Santa: Yep. Sure does. OK, elves, get my sleigh ready.
All: It already is. Everything’s ready.
Santa: Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!
(All gather round sleigh and sing “Here Comes Santa Claus”)
The end
Posted by kuri at December 25, 2006 12:01 AMOh my goodness the drama and tension!
Posted by: MJ on December 26, 2006 11:48 AMI love the punning “two tired” and the use of “vaguely.” They both show the influence of your parents, I think.
This is really great that you still have this play. Is it handwritten somewhere?
Posted by: Jenn on December 28, 2006 06:24 AM