I’ve been reading an interesting classic text on Japanese psychology: Anatomy of Dependence by Dr. Takeo Doi. It was written in 1971 and Doi was hailed as the Freud of Japan.
In the book, he explains amae. It’s odd but I can’t even begin to explain amae even after reading nearly 100 pages of the book, instinctually understanding the concept, even having a few “Aha! That explains that thing I experienced” moments as I read along.
Amae isn’t unknown to Western culture, but there’s no word for it. It’s part unconditional love, part dependency, part selfishness, part generosity, part obligation, part indulgence.
For example, amae is what Tod and I experience when I bring him coffee in bed in the morning—he is relying on me to indulge him and I am (usually) happy to do so. When he tucks me in at night, that’s amae I get a warm loving feeling as he indulges my desire to be cuddled and made safe before I go to sleep. It makes me want to bring him coffee in the mornings. What goes around, comes around.
The book is good. I’m not all the way through it, but I expect I’ll have quite a few more “aha!’ moments as I see why Japanese people sometimes behave in ways that seem odd to me. If you are interested in why Japanese seem “different” to Westerners, this is a good place to start your explorations.
Posted by kuri at January 04, 2004 11:58 PMThis seems interesting. I’ll have to look it up.
I need another book like I need a hole in the head, but I can’t help it I’m addicted !!
: ~ D =
Posted by: Joshua Aaron Day on January 5, 2004 04:43 AMGood Points made by Mr. Lee, but in the way that Kristen is looking at the book it doesn’t really seem to apply. She is trying to understand the Japanese, and contrast it with her experience as a somewhat well travelled American. I haven’t read the book and can’t really make concepts on the concept of amae, but I have found that when it is said that something in Japanese can’t be expressed in English, what is really meant is it can’t be expressed in exactly the same way. I usually find that you can express the same feeling or idea in either language, but may have to approach it from different angles.
Posted by: UltraBob on January 5, 2004 05:27 PMI read the book years ago when I was a Japanese student in US. It did bring me many Aha! moments. I do not agree with the whole book now, but it does brings you a new sight of the things. I agree with Mr.Lee’s commnets, but I think the fun point of the Dr.Doi’s story is “look from the other side of things that we think as universal and usual” than the uniquness of Japanese.
I read the book a few years ago, because my American friend recommended it. At that time I knew “AMAE” had been a specail Japanese word. “AMAERU” has a sort of vage feeiling.
Posted by: Mieko on January 7, 2004 05:48 PM